Our Story...

For the last week I have had a heavy heart...
Maybe it's this time of year...
Or the fact that the Lord keeps telling me to put it on paper...
It's time you tell your story...

It makes me weep at the thought of it every time...

It's hard looking at where you have come from...even if it's felt like forever...

In the summer of 2008 my husband and I went to a marriage retreat... I had been suffering severe postpartum for over a year and a half, and our marriage was on it's last straw... that weekend I remember hearing " this is going to be your hardest year yet "... you are going to have to fight for this...

I had no idea...

Fast forward to Nov. 2008... 


We had just found out that my Husband would be losing his job, and my company had pretty much collapsed over night do to the stock market crash...

Within a three week period of time we went from money in the bank to nothing...

We had a baby girl...no $$$... and no jobs

We were in debt up to our eyeballs, and couldn't even afford diapers...it was the most terrifying and humbling time in my life...

I remember driving in my car weeping and asking God  "tell me what you want me to do"...

His answer was loud and clear...

You have to start over...completely over...

that meant I had to sell my clothes, my furniture, my jewelry, everything...

it was all the "stuff " I had to let go...because at the end of the day it was just that...

stuff... 

It was the hardest thing that someone could have asked me at that time...

and the most freeing...

Within 5 weeks we had sold almost everything we owned...moved into a trailer on my parents

property, and started a new chapter...

Within a few months... my husband had started EMT school and I was working as a hair stylist

 assistant...

Many people ask why I'm all over the board with design, jewelry, hair, make-up etc...

It's because I've had to use it as a survival thing for my family... I'm not crazy... I just do what I can to help my family in whatever way I can... there are many days I ask God why he made me creative, and not a nurse, teacher, doctor... but his answer is always clear...

That's not you...and I created you to be YOU.

After EMT school my husband started working for VC Fire as an EMT... and shortly after that got accepted into the Fire Academy at Palomar College...

He was the 36th pick in the 36th Academy...and there was only 36 spots...tell me that wasn't God's hand:)

Right before my husband started the Academy...we found out that baby number two was on his way...
By the grace of God I was able to keep my same OBGYN, and God kept blessing us with being able to pay our MAIN bills...

I would sell jewelry on the side and do makeup for weddings in order to keep up with car payments, insurance, and our cell phone...we always had just enough...
until...
things got even tighter...

Our son was born Nov. 24th 2009...
A week before my husband graduated the Fire Academy...
and four weeks after that our "family car" got the Repo...

Yes things started to get ugly...
Crediters were after us...
the bank seized our money...

And the home life was turning for the worst...

Living at my moms was making me crazy...
I wanted my own space...
my life back...
I was becoming miserable...
I was resentful toward everyone and everything...

I started to do that thing that we can do as humans...
I questioned if it was all really "that bad" when we had changed direction...
Was rock bottom really rock bottom???

Did God HATE me???
Who the hell am I???

I couldn't breath...
I stopped focusing on the little blessings and started focusing on the BIG challenges...

This feeling went on for a year...
God KNOWS how to push you...HE knows when you are the point of no return...
And then he gives you...

Hope...

It's that feeling that helps you keep moving forward...
right before that last breath of giving up...

At the end of 2010 we filled BK...
It was the best feeling to know that we could move on with our lives and not feel burdened with that part of our past any longer...
We were living in poverty, but had never been so happy at the same time...
it was a short high that God gave us... as were entering into an even harder season

We moved into a small house in San Marcos, CA
My husband started medic school and I started a "short lived" home daycare...
We had borrowed all our furniture or bought a small amount of what we could afford from Ikea...

I remember hanging my clothes in the closet...
and having 5 shirts,3 yoga pants and a few jackets...

I remember having to get food stamps...
and that feeling of humilation

I remember hiding my wedding ring so people didn't think I was just using the system
because if you know me...you know I'm TOTALLY against that...

I remember having to go to the food bank with a small church... to get my kids food...
Because there was nothing in the cupboards...

I remember finding out a week after my 30th birthday that I was pregnant with our third child...
And feeling confused...
How am I going to be able to care for another child with our living situation...
I already felt like I was the worst mom for putting my kids through so much already... and then another one??

I cried for her... I honestly couldn't understand why God picked me??
I learned a valuable listen through that time...
God has a plan...
and I have no idea what it is...
but I have to trust it.

Our baby girl was born 9-11-12

I didn't get the same doctor as I had with the other two kids...
But she came out healthy...and colic...
that's a whole other story;/

My husband was hired with Mercy as a medic shortly after Lo was born...

He currently works for both Mercy and VC Fire...

He has been out of Medic school for three years... and we would have already tested out of here if it wasn't for God's hand once again...

HE has a different plan for us... and I see God using my husband in this small community that we grew up in...

I've watched the road that we have traveled...

 and I've seen miracles...

Through this season...which has been filled with years...

I've seen three children grow happy and healthy...

I've watched my husband grow into an amazing father and soul mate...

I've watched God move mountains, that only he could move...

This hasn't been an easy road and funds are still tight...

but I've changed... and I'm not that person anymore that cares about keeping up with Joneses

I care about keeping up with the Westler's...

and helping others...

because at the end of the day...

this life isn't just about us...

xx